I bet he comes in French.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
