so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
