She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
