We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
