He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
