im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
