peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
