HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize