No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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