loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
