WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
