Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
