Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize