Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
