She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
