ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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