He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
so much tequila, so little girl.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
