one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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