My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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