She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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