4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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