I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
