You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize