Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
