There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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