ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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