He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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