my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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