Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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