I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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