The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
