Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
