Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize