you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
