If that was your dad, he is hot
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Found your dick twin last night
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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