Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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