Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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