neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
