And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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