wakey wakey hands off snakey
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
