Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
