I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
