I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
