i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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