It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize