he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
