i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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