Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
