Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
