that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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