Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
