Nicole vs. Life
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
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