first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Holy sore nipples Batman
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
