if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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