Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
