You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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