The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
