it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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