Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
