I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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