Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
