So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
