I murdered the dance floor call the cops
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
