don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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