Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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