I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
