I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
