when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
