I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
