living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
